Absolute Blue Invitation - 10/05/18 - 10/06/18

Absolute Blue Collectisizes

They are in! It is finally time for market recognition of the long awaited Absolute Blue Action Figures! Make no mistake people, these are NOT toys! These are extremely limited, highly coveted collectibles, designed to be a critical part of your investment plan, virtually guaranteed to substantially increase in value, provided the product stays in its hermetically sealed packaging, ensuring that the herms are kept out, or kept in, I never could figure that one out. Each one specifically designed to represent a member of The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love metaphorically, figuratively or emblematically. Several toy companies have been after us for many years to authorize a new series of toys design to entertain as well as offend and we finally pulled the trigger and said, “Come at me Hasbro.” Could be hand crafted by local artisans, but mostly raided from an old dumpster behind Toys ‘R Us. See if you can guess who inspired which of our latest creations:

A. Lower GI Joe: Forget about Kung Fu Grip, this one’s got Eff You Flip, with a completely extendible middle finger.

B. The Kavenger: Special edition, complete with an appointment to the Satellite Beach Beautification Board, only to be hit with decades old allegations of littering. Fun for the whole family!

C. GI Josephine: Putting the Trans in Transformers, it changes from Bruce to Caitlyn in three simple steps.

D: Iron Deficiency Man: It’s really just a Ken doll that had its arms broken so it could hold a cigarette.

E. Tickle Me Kevin: No. Just don’t.

Make plans to join us this weekend as we take the next couple weekends off for travel and whatnot. Mostly not.

We start things off with a Friday night at Squid Lips in Melbourne from 7 to 11..

Then it’s Saturday in St Cloud at Brews ‘N Blues, on Pennsylvania Ave just off 192 from 7:30 to 11:30…

A.Tom B.Bill C.Don D.Skip E.Kevin

Absolute Blue Invitation 9/07/18 - 9/08/18

Absolute Blue Matures

Let’s face it. While we’re not getting much older, were also not getting any younger. And with this condition comes a number of ailments. We don’t know what’s worse, the issues Tom has with incontinence or bladder control, depends. Don was asked to surrender his hearing aids and handed over 2 hand grenades. And we’ve all but given up on counting Skip’s liver spots. But we’ve found a new drug that has cured everything from Kevin’s lumbago to Bill’s fear of intimacy. It’s brand new to the market and we were lucky enough to be included in the original clinical trials. It’s called PlaCeBo, and if our luck holds out, we just may be their newest spokesmen. Where we’ll say such informative things as “Don’t take PCB if you’re allergic to PCB” or “Don’t take PCB if you don’t have any PCB” or even “Don’t take PCB if you’ve never heard of PCB.” And with other high profile and personally marketed brands such as Frednisone or Damnbien, for Tourette’s sufferers with insomnia, it’s time we get in on some of this pharmaceutical action.

-Kevicillan: For a broad range of infections, including one that starts with an S...

-Skipitor: This statin is more than an island. Side effects include random juggling.

-OxycoDon: A powerful analgesic that actually replaces the pain with guilt. A kosher version is also available.

-Billium: A generic version of Conservatrillium guaranteed to make a Republican of even the staunchest Libertarian in large enough doses.

-Tomezepam: A powerful but strangely offensive sedative. Side effects include believing you are actually Tom and the resultant suicidal ideation.

Please join us this weekend as we obviously take next weekend off due to the huge sale at Bed, Bath and Beyond...

Friday we return to the Tiki in Sebastian from 7 to 11...

Then Saturday it’s all the way down to the Tipsy Tiki in Fort Pierce from 7 to 11...

Absolute Blue Invitation 8/31/18 - 9/03/18

Absolute Blue Interpersonalizes

We are both honored and embarrassed to discover that we have been nominated for a World’s Record. And while we wait for the Guinness officials to verify the category of Most Formal Charges Registered With HR Without A Single Felony Conviction, we would like to thank those responsible, those that cared enough to complain about us. Special thanks go out to NAACP, NCAA, PETA, PITA, ACLU, DCLU, AFL-CIO, NFL-CIO, DOT, DASH, HUD, CHUD, SPUD, TATER, NOW, THEN, ALWAYS, BPOE, EAPOE, C-SPAN, SI-SPANISH, INTERPOL, OUTERPOL, KFC, KofC, NATO, TORNATO, NOAA, NOAH, OPEC, NOPEC, YESPEC, MAYBEPEC, WHO, WHAT, WHERE, IBM, YOUBM, WEALLBM, UPS and DOWNS just to name a few. Most of these stem from the time we combined our new drug awareness program with an integrity based assessment into what we called our Methics training. So in a half-hearted and largely futile effort to avoid future persecution, prosecution or prostitution we agreed to a battery of tests, mostly AA and 9-volt, administered by the Absolute Blue Inc. Division of Human Resources, Wildlife Management and Applied Kinesiology. The results of which may surprise you. Probably not. Either way we’re sure to put the ass in Harassment:

-Don thought Diversity was a small town in the Panhandle.

-Kevin performed so poorly during his session on the dynamics of group interaction he has been enrolled in Nonsensitivity Training.

-Skip signed up for the session hosted in Maine just so he could say he’s going to Bangor Management.

-Bill was warned so many times about the implications of his actions he is now referred to as the Repercussionist.

-Tom was pleased when he heard that his correspondence ranged from Flammatory to Inflammatory. Until he learned that these are equally dreadful.

A couple of private engagements this weekend but still two chances to catch The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love at their absolute best starting Friday at Malabar Mo’s from 7 to 11…

Then Saturday it’s the Sandbar in Cocoa Beach, at the end of 520, from 4 to 8…