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Absolute Blue Invitation 08/02/19 - 08/03/19
Absolute Blue Trainicizes
We at The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love have always been interested in physical fitness. We enjoy reading and learning about it as well as watching other people do it. But recently there have been some alarming trends regarding a longstanding fitness regime that needs to be addressed if not federally regulated. It seems the yoga we were told about as youngsters has now been ritualistically segmented into different disciplines similar to the Protestant Church a few years back. We now have hot or cold yoga, probably depending on your fitness level, yoga with cattle, probably violating a number of local and/or state regulations, and stool yoga, which just sounds gross. This all seems innocent enough but then again so did Scientology, vaccines and reality tv. So somebody perfected the art of yoga with a spatula. I mean how hard can that be? It is with this in mind that we have developed, trademarked and copyrighted our own conditioning classifications and bestowed upon ourselves the title of Master in each:
-Kevin advises you get ready to advocate, abrogate and ablate upstate with his Saratoga Yoga.
-Don infuses elements of olfactory therapy into his newest offering, odoriferously called Aroma Yoga.
-Bill created a discipline that combines eastern mysticism with traditional Indian roots that he calls Pagoda Yoga.
-Tom introduces affordable reliability into your workout with Toyota Corolla Yoga.
-Skip says, use the force for your conditioning, you will, with Yoda Yoga.
Join us Friday for an evening at Gator’s Dockside at the Port from 6 to 10…
Then Saturday it’s the Sandbar in Cocoa Beach, at the end of 520, from 9 to 1…
Absolute Blue Invitation 07/27/19 - 07/28/19
Absolute Blue Crowdisizes
We remain committed to the crowdsourcing concept, after seeing many successes with Kickstarter and GoFundMe. And even though our original website, GoKickMe failed on a catastrophic level, the idea of people donating money (see also Tip Jar) is intriguing enough to give it another try. And if there is one thing our Introduction to Marketing class at community college has taught us, it’s the product name that makes the difference between success and failure. Not content to settle for the pedantic Cash For Johnny, Secondhand Rand For The Motherland or even simply Money For Nothing, we determined that something more substantial is necessary. And since we have never been keen to learn from our mistakes, we bring you the following entries for new film crowdsourcing campaigns:
-Another entry in the Firefly universe: Pound Notes For Brown Coats.
-An FBI thriller: Euros For The Bureau.
-The latest Scorsese film: Dinero For DeNiro.
-A sequel to Milk: A Million Yen For Sean Penn.
-A faith based film from Italy: Lira My God To Thee.
-The sequel to Spinal Tap: Rupees For Groupies.
Join us for a Saturday evening in Sebastian at the Crab Stop, on Indian River Blvd, just north of Main Street, from 6 to 9…
Absolute Blue Invitation 07/05/19 - 07/07/19
Absolute Blue Vocabilizes
We have always been intrigued with the evolution of language and the introduction of words and phrases into our collective lexicon. How is it that ‘where’s the beef’ or ‘shart’ make the leap from local colloquialisms into our day to day vocabulary? Is it marketing strategy or sheer random chance? In days past we have had storytellers that drew crowds around communal fires. Now all we have is PBS and individual microwaves. We at The Worst Band You’ll Ever Love want to leave our collective mark upon our native tongue and allow future generations to more accurately describe their dismal fast food experience or the results of an attempted fart. And now that we have tools such as Facebook, Instagram and PornHub, this becomes easier than ever before. So feel free to insert any of the following into daily conversations, just be sure to leave a sizable donation via tip jar, paypal or bitcoin:
-Billogical: Contradictory, lacking in candor, devoid of responsibility. His test results were billogical. See also Republican.
-Donsense: Fantastical allegory in a perjurative context. His test results were donsensical.
-Skipperific: Simultaneously optimistic and unapologetically futile. His test results were skipperific.
-Tominous: Prolifically vague with underlying arrogance bordering on apathy. His test results were tominous.
-Keverlasting: Eternally indiscriminate, perpetually indiscreet or habitually nonexistent. His test results were keverlasting.
Please join us for a Sunday afternoon at Malabar Mo’s from 4 to 8…
Absolute Blue Invitation 06/21/19 - 06/22/19
Absolute Blue Anglizes
Now that we are up to speed on watercraft of all kinds, we take a deeper dive into those creatures that dwell beneath the waters we sail on. Those intriguing, fascinating, sometimes tasty inhabitants of the deep blue sea. And at the risk of sounding shellfish and with no sense of urchincy, we remind you that any one that is not your friend is anenome. So don’t be a prawn gone wrong, listen to the sturgeon general. But let’s get one thing straight as we look forward to the most patriotic of holidays. We’re talking American fish only. Preferably Republican. Proud, patriotic, Bill O’Reilly watchin’, NRA card totin’ freedom fish. And we fully support our administration’s efforts to keep foreign fish out of American waterways. For far too long we’ve stood by and watched undocumented immigrant fish take jobs meant for our native species. Jobs like biting on hooks and getting stuck in nets. Oh, and also:
-Is a small marine fish with limited options a seahorse with no recourse?
-Would a crab that is so spoiled that they had their sandwiches trimmed be considered a crust hatin’ crustacean?
-Could two Indian reef fish be called a pair of Buddha barracudas?
-When you fall in love with an eel, is that a moray?
-Can you call an obnoxious mollusk enthusiast a boisterous oysterist?
Join Absolute Blue as they perform random acts of musicality at Gators Dockside at the Port Friday from 6 to 10…
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