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Absolute Blue Invitation 9/02/16 - 9/03/16
Absolute Blue Polemicizes
We at Absolute Blue understand the furor surrounding some athletes refusing to participate in the nation anthem. But it seems like there could be a better way of making your voice heard rather than demeaning the lives of those who have and will serve this country, a country that allows them to get paid millions of dollars for playing a game. But we are no strangers to controversy. In the most famous example, after over 1000 performances of Brown Eyed Girl it got to the point that females with alternately hued eyes were seeking brown contact lenses, dark glasses and in extreme cases, retinal replacement surgery. So as per a court injunction we were forced to learn Green Eyed Lady or risk forfeiture of our union card, passport and pizza coupons. But it doesn’t end there. Next we expect to hear from rescue dogs offended by our performing Stray Cats, Boston upset at so much Chicago and Van Halen demanding we stop playing Van Morrison. Needless to say we will not be learning Fat Bottom Girls. Among the pending litigation:
-Bill to this day refuses to stand for the ultimate southern anthem Sweet Home Alabama and has been threatened with lawsuits many times but all were summarily dropped. Turns out he’s a drummer.
-John Fogerty himself was so offended with our rendition of Proud Mary that he initiated cease and desist orders against us. We have since ceased but not sure we can decyst as it’s not a tumor.
-Word spread through social media regarding Ed’s peculiar rendition of the Rolling Stone classic that apparently (We Won’t Ever Get No) Satisfaction.
-During a recent performance Skip knowingly and willingly farted during the second chorus of Mustang Sally, which raised a big stink.
-Archie, Betty and Veronica formally sanctioned the band when they found we were performing Sugar, Sugar under the influence of artificial sweeteners. Jughead, recently released on parole, again unavailable for comment.
We had a late addition to the schedule, so please join us for a Friday evening at Milliken’s Reef at Port Canaveral from 5:30 to 10…
Then Saturday it’s back to Squid Lips in Melbourne from 7 to 11…
Absolute Blue Invitation 8/26/16 - 8/27/16
Absolute Blue Surveys
Thank you for your interest in Absolute Blue! Please take a moment to complete our short survey so that we may better meet you future entertainment needs:
I would like to see Absolute Blue do less:
___Talking between songs
___Slow songs
___Jail time
I would like the band to be:
___More open to requests
___Less likely to tell fart jokes
___Bludgeoned
The band should take more bathroom breaks:
___Agree
___Disagree
___Depends
I would like the band to show:
___A demonstrative awareness of global politics
___A sensitivity to the widening array of women’s issues
___Less of Tom
One thing I would change about Absolute Blue is:
___Their persistent lack of punctuality
___Their perfunctory conservative views
___Don’s wardrobe
Join us for a Friday and Saturday at Keith’s Oyster Bar at Cocoa Beach Pier from 6 to 10 both days…
Absolute Blue Invitation 8/19/16 - 8/21/16
Absolute Blue Olympicizes
Now that the Rio Olympics are or at least could be over, and the bacteria ridden water and rampant fires are but a distant memory, we are left alone with our thoughts. Like if monks competed in track and field we could have people chaste in the steeplechase. And if we have pole vaulting, why can’t we jump over Czechoslovakians too? If the horse runs the course twice would it be the requestrian? And if we performed with a shuttlecock it would not just be badminton it would be worse. And enough with these arcane measurements. Why can’t they use real dimensions, like feet, pounds or hectares? Instead we have to perform convoluted calculations, carry the one and come up with like the 128,325 inch race. Does anyone even know how far 10K is? Of course not. Why not call it the 94.86 gallon jump or the 127.5 joule deadlift? And since there are already plans to introduce new events at the 2024 Reykjavik summer games, such as gargling, pinterest and politics, we at Absolute Blue Inc. have suggested the following improvements designed to enhance viewer appeal, increase advertising revenue and perhaps instigate unrest:
-Discontinuing those events that have disparagingly religious overtones, such as Judo.
-Adding one for the Catholics, the Repentathlon. Where the first to confess 5 sins receives a gold medal and absolution.
-And one for the blue collar crowd: Chain Link Fencing.
-An event that combines the pageantry of the Olympic games with the thrill of competitive eating: The Fryathlon.
-Introducing the MC Hammer Throw: You can’t touch this. Nor should you want to.
-An event with a general distrust of grand theories and ideologies as well as a problematical relationship with any notion of sports: The Post Modern Pentathlon.
-The pool event where anything goes: the Kitchen Synchronized Swimming.
Friday we return to Malabar Mo’s to try again to get it right from 7 to 11…
Saturday we tend to a private function, but Sunday please make plans for a pleasant afternoon, rain or shine, at Sebastian Beach Inn, from 1 to 5…
Absolute Blue Invitation 8/12/16 - 8/14/16
Absolute Blue
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Join us Saturday from 9 to 12 at Grind and Grape, on Bougainvillea just off Ocean Drive in Vero…
Then Sunday it’s Malabar Mo’s from 4 to 8….
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